My Query Part 1

15 Jul

I wonder how many parts there are going to be. I am always open to advice and feedback so if you see something that doesn’t work or that you like, don’t hesitate to say so.


Dear Wonderful Being Who Knows Many Editors Eager For a Good Read

I am seeking representation for my novel Phoenix Rising, a 96,000 word paranormal romance.

Lily Steel is a small town reporter on the story of the century; what is Hollywood’s hottest man alive, Jack Reardon, doing in the middle of the Oregon woods. Why is he able to step into a ring of flames and come out unscathed?

Jack is a member of a race called the Phoenix, born 400yrs ago, in the middle of a violent war between the Phoenix and Basilisk. He has come to tiny Brookstone, Oregon to set up a meeting with Basilisk leader Gerard Adams and start peace negotiations, not realizing the peace he seeks is following him.

Someone has a learned a secret about Lily Steel, she is a descendant of a group of psychic human woman, called the Council and the key to bringing peace to the Phoenix and Basilisk. Jack Reardon is determined to discover the mystery behind who brought Lily to his attention and to fight the attraction flashing between then. Lily puts her faith in Jack, and finds herself caught up in a world of mythical men and secret societies who all want her. Fighting to stop a prophetic vision, where she sees her own death, Lily joins forces with Jack and Gerard to learn her destiny.

I am a member of RWA and the FF&P Chapter of RWA.  Phoenix Rising is the first in a series of books following the Phoenix and Basilisk as they search for peace.


Me, Author Wanting to See Her Name On the Cover of a Sparkly New Book in a Store and the Hands of Readers.


1 Comment

Posted by on July 15, 2012 in Uncategorized


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One response to “My Query Part 1

  1. lauralanni

    July 18, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    1. Agents don’t like queries that start with a question. (I read that somewhere and had to change it in MY query.)
    2. “Jack is a 400 year old member of…” might sound better. Wait, is JACK 400 years old or is the PHOENIX RACE 400 years old. I am confused. (At least spell out “year”)
    3. “Someone has a learned” (Proofreading your own stuff is hard! Do you see the extra word here now?)
    4. And fix the comma splice in that same sentence
    5. Still same sentence: “woman” should be “women”
    5. This is an awkward sentence and ends in a typo: “Jack Reardon is determined to discover the mystery behind who brought Lily to his attention and to fight the attraction flashing between then.”

    Be very particular in proofreading before you send your queries out. Give the same treatment to your manuscript. With so many typos and errors, agents will be reluctant to request pages.

    I hope this helps.
    Best of luck!


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